Mixtape Monday: Do the Whirlwind

Tracks from MGMT, The Dandy Warhols, Peter Bjorn and John, and Black Kids for your happy-trippy, shameless dancing needs. Community singing and alcohol-induced euphoria, optional.


Mixtape Monday: Please, there's no need for a temporary restraining order...

While most songs moan about unrequited love, these tracks take it to the next level. Here are songs to play when you're doing your "research" on Facebook featuring Blondie, Audioslave, Death Cab for Cutie and many more. 

P.S. We don't exactly condone stalking, but don't we all get obsessed with someone from time to time (always)? Play this and then go out to do something productive. 



The Take Off: Bootleg - Radio.com

No labels. Just great music. 

This is the promise of Bootleg Radio, a new website that streams Filipino independent music. Through the initiatives of music lovers and technophiles JP and Danny (surnames withheld at their request and because who needs surnames when you’re this cool? See Also: Flea, Slash, Prince, et al.), this revolutionary online portal brings you tracks from unsigned bands, literally at your fingertips. The site caters to discriminating listeners who want nothing but good music, stripped of the trappings of mainstream culture. Although it is still pretty rough around the edges programming-wise (they just launched last June 11 at Route 196), they already have an impressive roster of indie bands spanning different genres– The ButcherCons, The Camerawalls, Techy Romantics and The Bernadettes among others.

Taking off from the closing of NU 107, the team headed by JP and Danny took an alternative route and went online to provide a venue where unsigned bands can get their music out there. Like NU, Bootleg Radio mimics the radio format, with the content predetermined by its manager. On the other hand, it is also like MySpace where visitors can view band profiles – bio, gigs, songs, the works.

What visitors currently see on the site are not even the tip of the iceberg. During the interview, we got the first dibs on what’s in store for Bootleg Radio in the next couple of months. Aside from more bands, more music and more events, expect their “telejocks” and mobile technology advancements. So what are these telejocks exactly? They are Bootleg Radio’s version of DJs, only they have no DJ booths. In fact, they don’t have an office to go to. They can be heard live even in the comforts of their home, in their torn shirts while sipping their morning coffee. And it seems like the people behind the site it utilizing the limitless potential of the Internet since they are planning to have telejockeys not just in Manila, but in other parts of the Philippines as well. About the technology, well, as much as our techno noob selves can understand, Bootleg Radio is definitely going mobile, developing applications that will make the site more accessible. The specs and other details, we definitely have to watch out for.

Impressed? Well, guess what? You can be a part of it. Any artist, and by that we mean any artist (unless you are extremely profane, vulgar and/or utterly crappy) can get their music on Bootleg Radio. In our interview with the masterminds behind the website, they said that as much as possible, they do not want to alienate other genres. But most of what you will find in the site are variations of indie rock, since more popular genres can get their support from traditional media. So if you do have original, recorded material, and you’re looking for an outlet for your music, you can e-mail them at bootlegradio.manila@gmail.com and they’ll reply with the instructions within 24 hours. Voila! You just might be the next big shot Internet sensation.

Here are some of the bands that performed at the Bootleg-Radio Launch Event held last July 11 at Route 196. All photos taken by the beautiful and talented Kessica Bersamin.

Oh, and don't forget to like the official Facebook page of Bootleg-Radio here.


Mixtape Monday: Slow the Rain

Curl up in bed with your favorite book and a hot cup of chocolate. For this week's Mixtape Monday, we're going mellow and laidback with music from Kings of Convenience, Coheed and Cambria, Incubus and Jimmy Eat World.


6 Things You Must Do Before the Next End-of-the-World Scare

Ralph Waldo Emerson's guide to a life well-lived. You can buy this awesome piece of art here.
Theories about the apocalypse? We've probably heard them all. From the alignment of celestial objects to random predictions by know-it-alls with too much free time on their hands, we have envisioned how it's going to happen, how we are going to save ourselves (as if), and what we are going to do in our final moments.

And since we Two Difficult Girls are the ultimate advocates of the charmed life, we have listed these things you should do before you die, or at least before the next end-of-the-world scare. That one split second you're certain it's the end, when your whole life flashes before you, make sure it's worth watching. Because, really, nothing is more pointless than a life lived in mediocrity.


Mixtape Monday: Animal Collective

Sometimes, artists turn to the other species for inspiration that will fill that persistent ennui. Take a walk on the wild side with 13 tracks featuring creatures great and small in their titles. This playlist features songs from an eclectic mix of artists such as Architecture in Helsinki, Beach House, Passion Pit, The Beatles, Metric and many more! (Oddly, this does not include a single track from Animal Collective...cos we're silly like that.)


Mixtape Monday: Proudly Pinoy

Our first ever all-OPM playlist with tracks from Eraserheads, Francis M., The Dawn and other contemporary Pinoy music legends. Feel a pang of nostalgia as you sing along to these familiar tunes that are distinctly ours. Happy Independence Day!


The Take Off: The ButcherCons

Tattoos and stylishly disheveled hair aside, The ButcherCons may very well be the most unassuming rockers we've met so far. Our first encounter with this gang of four felt like a bunch of college chums hanging out and gushing over all the artists we like (gushing portion c/o the Two Difficult Girls, obviously). Over mouthfuls of tacos and steak, the boys talked about surfing, conspiracy theories and their DIY approach to making music.


Mixtape Monday: Out-of-Body Experience

It's back-to-school for all you, young chums and back-to-work for us mere working class mortals. Amidst the chaos and migraine-inducing Monday traffic jam, you find yourself floating away to a world without taxes to pay and deadlines to beat. Put your headphones on and drown in the otherwordly music of Muse, Delphic, The Radio Dept., Imogen Heap and more of our favorite artists in this week's Mixtape Monday offering.


MIxtape Monday: Them Fine Blokes

Manic Mondays got you foaming at the mouth? Here are some fine blokes to cheer you up (because strangely, everything sounds better in a British/Scottish accent). Listen to tracks by The Kooks, Arctic Monkeys, Mumford & Sons, Bloc Party and many more. If this doesn't get you in a better mood...fish and chips on the house!


Coming Up on The Take Off: The ButcherCons + Music Video Launch

The ButcherCons: Jose (guitar), Neil (vox/guitar), Bobby (drums) and Paolo (bass)
Photo courtesy of Dana Picazo

If they weren't named The ButcherCons, this indie garage rock quartet might as well have been called The Handymen. Why? These guys have definitely taken the Do-It-Yourself concept to a whole new level. If they're not recording songs in makeshift home studios, they're probably handwriting the tracklisting of their debut album "Coalesce" or designing band shirts with permanent markers.

The band was formed in 2009 when vocalist Neil and bassist Paolo Bernaldo (also of Moonstar88) met at a surfing party of sorts. The two hit it off right away after a conversation on conspiracy theories. Not too long afterwards, guitarist Jose Tolentino and drummer Bobby Padilla (familiar to most Pinoy rock fans as one-third of Hilera) tagged along, and the gang of four found themselves recording songs mostly penned by Neil in DIY studio set-ups (aka Jose's house and everywhere else).

After two years of jamming and couchsurfing, these crafty boys are proud to present you the kick-ass finished product. The ButcherCons recently released their independently produced first record back in March of this year. "Coalesce" features 11 tracks showcasing a variety of musical stylings ranging from pop-punk to garage rock and even hints of prog rock and electronica. 

We would be lying if we say that the album satisfies all musical palettes. The truth is, it doesn't. And we're quite certain that The ButcherCons wouldn't want to have it any other way. The album was made in a this-is-our-music-take-it-or-leave-it fashion, with a massive "fuck you" (or indifference, if you insist) to popular sensibilities. It was made for people with no musical prejudices, those who deem that a certain song necessitates a scream - that all elements, whether grand or mundane, coalesce to form a record that will certainly blow your brains off.

Here are the Two Difficult Girls' top picks from their debut effort:

We Always Want Something - This one's an easy pick, and we didn't have to temporarily put our friendship on hold to decide that this is our favorite. The track opens with an ear-friendly melody which cheekily transitions into a more identifiably punk sound with its jagged guitarwork. The raddest part would have to be when Neil (first name only, cause he's cool like that) screams with a faux British accent, "Yeah if you want it like this, I'll give you what you want" - seemingly inciting listeners to sedition, so distinct that you cannot help but sing along, or shout along (whichever way you roll). 

Medicine - Here's one unassuming gem of the album. Medicine does not start off with a bang. It does not, forgive our term, grab you by the balls. It's fairly unswerving and does not possess the stand out elements of We Always Want Something, but after a few listens, you'll find the song surprisingly infectious. As if in an entranced state, we caught ourselves automatically chanting along the second time we played it. Similar to its title, it's like a drug that you can't just easily shake off your system.

Someday - With barely audible mumblings of a child (on loop) heavily laden with buzzing, dreamy synths, this song is probably the most experimental, albeit the most challenging to listen to. But when Jose revealed that the guest vocalist is none other than his 3-year old sister, who are we not to gush over the cuteness of it all? 

Don't just take our word for it, though. Go check them out live! If you don't have anything better to do on May 28th, here's your chance to get a taste of The ButcherCons in the raw. Put your tightest jeans on and up your cool factor by witnessing the brand spanking new music video for Medicine (yet another DIY project) as they unveil it at Cafe Saguijo, Makati, 9PM.

Courtesy of Sonic Boom Philippines

No egos, no pretentions, no pressure - just a real gung-ho attitude to making fun and frenzied music you'd want to rock out to.


Mixtape Monday: Bikini Bottom Playlist

This is the sound of sunlight, surfing and a whole lot of spontaneity. The sunny season maybe on to its last hurrah, but it's never too late to create our summer playlist. 

Here are tracks from The Beatles, Little Joy, Au Revoir Simone and Jenny and Johnny for this week's 
Mixtape Monday. Play this during a road trip with your windows rolled down and your car stereo in full volume. Enjoy! :)


Said the Wise: Quote #4

Johnoy Danao Autographed CD Give-away!

Hi Chums! We're giving away a signed copy of Johnoy Danao's album Dapithapon!  Here's how you can win it: 

1. Like us on Facebook ---> www.Facebook.com/TwoDifficultGirls
2. Post this as your status message: "I want to have an autographed copy of Johnoy Danao's Dapithapon CD from @TwoDifficultGirlsBlog" (Don't forget to tag us in your post! And set the privacy setting of that post to viewable by everyone so that it pops up on our wall.)

The winner will be chosen via electronic raffle and will be announced on Monday! :)


The Take Off: Johnoy Danao

It is not every day that you encounter a musician who personally meets up with you if you’re buying an album. But this is how Johnoy Danao rolls.

This Bridge ex-frontman turned solo artist does most of his marketing and publicity, all while composing his own songs and playing gig after gig. He started grabbing audiences’ attention with his renditions of mainstream hits like Coldplay’s ‘Fix You’, Bruno Mars’ ‘Just the way you are’ and Robbie Williams’ ‘She’s the One’, among many others. Though he still includes these crowd pleasers in his current sets, his own compositions ‘Ulan’ and ‘Ikaw at Ako’ are also getting their share of fans. Amidst the clutter of independent artists in the industry, Johnoy stands out with his Jack Johnson-meets-Dave Matthews voice. His throaty vocals, both soothing and sexy, coupled with his superb songwriting skills, has established a solid legion of supporters which pushed him further to gig circuit popularity.

His debut solo album ‘Dapithapon’ is not just a testament that his musicality spans beyond being a cover artist. It might actually be a ray of hope for OPM. Penned in Filipino (save for ‘One Day’), the songs will make you appreciate the beauty of our language even more, not to mention that a couple of them actually have nationalistic undertones. With simple melodies and heartfelt lyrics to sing along with, it is not difficult to fall in love with Dapithapon the first time you play it. No frills, no unnecessary enhancements, the record is just pure, raw talent at its finest. Whether reflective or playful, Johnoy does not beat around the bush and cuts straight through the core. A personal favorite would be the single Dapithapon where he sings with a pang of melancholy that towards the end it actually hurts.

Listening to his record is one thing, but watching him live is a totally different experience. There were moments during the set when James and I would just look at each other and say, “okay, that was our cue to cry.” His sincerity radiates even in the most secluded corners of the bar, where we were most unfortunately located. If he wanted to, he could sing a string of BS and would still sound like a man proposing to the love of his life. Not that he would actually sing such.

Inside a jampacked (it was Standing Room Only as early as 9:30 PM…on a Monday night!) The Distillery, we caught up with Johnoy to talk about his album, his favorite basketball teams and his plan of covering a Katy Perry song.


Mixtape Monday: That Supermassive Blackhole

Here are tracks from Death Cab for Cutie, Noah and the Whale, The National, Regina Spektor and many more for those moments when you just want to curl up in your bed and watch the day waste away. Perfect for mulling over chances not taken, phone calls not made or whenever you get hungover from a Wong Kar Wai film.

Play this with hot lemon tea while nursing phantom pains over a sick leave.


Notable Achievements at the Age of 20 (AKA Things Other People Have Done While You Were Busy Worrying About Your Term Paper Or Crying Over Your Ex)

Only a few more days before I say bye to being a teenager. Okay, no big deal. There’s actually just a split second difference between being 19 and being 20. And it’s not as if I’ll be out of the calendar soon. But really, the thought of reaching two decades old scares the hell out of me.  

There’s a sweet sound to being a teen. It is the peak of self-awareness, character development and stupidity. You do the things you want to do, because being a teen gives you the absolute license to do so. It’s the feeling of being invincible and being vulnerable both at the same time. It’s the phase when you gained your friends, knew your true friends, fussed over two mistakes in an exam, left your comfort zone, rebelled over a curfew, overdressed for a first date, cried over a pimple, wished you were thinner, fallen in love, thought you have fallen in love, got drunk, got stoned, and what have you.  It’s that feeling when you want to capture every single ephemeral high that you experience, knowing that it will soon end. But somehow, you just can’t get enough.

And before this becomes a Dear Diary entry, let me give you these eye-opening facts. These are what other people have achieved at the age of 20-29. While I enter this phase as an utterly clueless adult, these people have already gotten way ahead of the race.


Coming up on The Take Off: Johnoy Danao

We dare say he's one of the best solo live acts out there. Singer, songwriter Johnoy Danao spares the Two Difficult Girls a few minutes before his set, to talk about his album ('Dapithapon'), his dream gig and the cutest thing a fan has done. Stay tuned next week on The Take Off.


Mixtape Monday: One Cheeseburger Too Many

Eat. Sleep. Tumblr. Eat. Text. DVDs. Eat. Facebook. Stalk exes on Facebook. Cry over ex-boyfriend's new hot girlfriend. Eat. Get invited to a party. Try on clothes. Fail. Eat.

Play this when you can no longer squeeze your bum into your super skinny jeans. Burn those calories to these 11 high octane songs from The Killers, Fatboy Slim, Kanye West, The Ting Tings ad many more.


30 Things We Learned from Our Moms

 As difficult as we may be, TDG are big mama's girls. Today, we pay tribute to our number one homegirls with this list of tried and tested life hacks and pieces of advice from Mila and Evelyn. Happy Mother's Day! 

  1.  Always wear nice underwear.
  2. If possible, wear matching underwear.
  3. Enunciate your words well. Mind your long and short vowels. (Pat, putt and pot - there's a big difference.)
  4. Never start a sentence with "uhm" or "bale".
  5. Don't answer a question with another question. (Mom: Where are you going? TDG: Why?)
  6. Always be responsible for your own actions.
  7. Never leave home without an ID and a pen.
  8. If you're good at something and you're aware of it, don't go foaming at the mouth screaming about it to the whole world. Other people will take notice and tell it upfront if you're really any good.
  9. Always bring a handkerchief.
  10. Combing your hair or applying your makeup in public may have become common practice, but any girl (difficult or otherwise) who knows proper etiquette will refrain from doing these.
  11. Boys will do everything to get into your pants.
  12. Never trust people who suck up to you. Beware of people who shower you with compliments.
  13. Slice a piece of your steak, then eat that piece. Never slice the whole steak into bite size morsels, then eat everything at once.
  14. Never let your boyfriend carry your handbag. If you do, walking out on him gets more difficult. Besides, your handbag is meant to complement your outfit - not his.
  15. "Mortgage" is pronounced with a silent T, and the ph in "shepherd" is pronounced as P.
  16. Never side with any party of a feuding couple.
  17. Adobo tastes so much better a few days after it is cooked. (Of course when refrigerated properly, silly!)
  18. Leggings are not pants. Printed leggings, still not pants. Only wear leggings if your top adequately covers the fanny area.
  19. Not all people are as smart as you would like them to be.
  20. Underwear should remain invisible to the public at all times. (Plastic bra straps are not an exemption.)
  21. Your weight and your income - you can give estimates, but the exact figures are none of their business.
  22. Neutral colors are not boring. You can wear an all grey ensemble but still look dazzling if you carry the right attitude.
  23. Drink water first thing in the morning and before going to bed.
  24. Slouching is never attractive.
  25. Never go grocery shopping when hungry...or angry. You'll end up with a truckload of things you don't really need (i.e. five jars of Nutella, rolls of duct tape and Winnie the Pooh cotton candy in various flavors).
  26. If you accidentally cut yourself, wash the injured area under running water and pat the open wound on your hair to stop the bleeding. Works best for paper cuts.
  27. Say "Thank you." and "I'm sorry." whenever necessary and mean it.
  28. Always tip your hairdresser and manicurist. You will regret your next visit if you don't.
  29. It is better to go hungry than to lose your pride.
  30. Always clean your tongue when brushing your teeth.
To our moms, why'd you have to be so infinitely wise?  Thank you for putting us under *immense* pressure. 

Two Difficult Girls 

Howsabout ya, chums? Any wonderful words of wisdom from your moms? We'd love to hear em.


The Take Off: Blind Stereo Moon

Julie Samonte (vocals), Dave Cruz (drums) and Gershon Vivas (bass)

It’s Coachella weekend, the Two Difficult Girls (TDG) would’ve given an arm (and a leg…plus a kidney) to be there, but our body parts apparently don’t even amount to a one-way plane ticket to Cali and to be honest, we had more important things to do. It’s our first ever photo shoot for The Takeoff and we’re more than excited to get up at 5 in the freaking AM (we don’t even wake up this early for our day jobs)  to frolic in the sun with our good chums Julie Samonte, Dave Cruz and Gershon Vivas from Blind Stereo Moon.

6 AM – TDG arrive at UP Diliman feeling like sedated frogs. Armed with a shitload of clothes, makeup and accessories, we could only hope that the band did not decide to just watch WWE reruns instead of coming to the shoot. After all, it is kinda unheard of to bully a band into an early morning photo sesh.  So you can only imagine our relief (and euphoria) when Blind Stereo Moon finally showed up at the College of Mass Comm parking lot, still looking dazed but obvs excited (the bassist even brought his entire wardrobe, true story).

But before we drown you with the side bars, here’s the low-down. Spending a whole day with Blind Stereo Moon is like listening to their brand of music – simple, fun and easy-going.


Mixtape Monday: Mommapalooza

In celebration of the upcoming Mother’s Day, we bring you an eclectic mix of songs from amazing musicians who juggle touring, recording and mommy duties. Here are tracks from Stars, Mates of State, Saint Etienne and Gwen Stefani for this week’s edition of Mixtape Mondays.

P.S. To our moms Mila and Evelyn, thank you for not giving up on your difficult daughters! You guys rock! \m/

P.P.S. C'mon kids, give Mom a call!


5 Types of Commuters Who Deserve a Special Place in Hell

Disclaimer: If you have never experienced public transport even once in your life, as early as now, please close this window and continue reading your Vogue Italia.

But if you are one of us mere mortals who brave an angry mob of people (deodorant, optional) in the MRT, or wait in long queues in jeepney terminals, or run after raging buses in EDSA, all under the heat of the scorching sun (or under the pressure of running late), then read on. These are the five breeds of commuters who, by all means, you should avoid. If you can’t avoid them, rest assured that Karma always gets its way.

The Athlete – He strategically positions himself directly at the front door of the MRT car. Then, Mr. Alpha Male secures his fortress by boxing out anyone who gets in the way, women and grandparents included. He cuts the line and whistles nonchalantly as if nothing happened and as if he was right there in front to begin with.

If all commuters were Survivor castaways, this person will most probably emerge as the winner as he always makes it a point to outwit and outplay anyone. His philosophy is that life is a competition –

“But we’re not in a competition, Sally.” (First to guess which movie this line was taken from gets a star! Fo’ shizzle.)

His competitive spirit mirrors that of an athlete – only, the kind who gets steroids for breakfast.

The DJ – Meet the DJ (aka Douche Jock). He likes to bring the house down with his contagious tunes from The Biebs and The Jo Bros. He bops his head to every beat, and sings his heart out as you cringe to lyrics such as “My money is yours, give you a little more because I luv ya”. (Luv ya too Biebs BB.)

Hey, look. We actually don’t care whoever “artist” you listen to, but please keep it to yourself. Y U NO EARPHONES? We understand that you’re bored, but why don’t you try counting every billboard you see, or playing Exhaust in your mind? You can talk about all the self-expression crap you want, but let me remind you of something called basic manners and common decency. A rush-hour bus going full throttle along EDSA may look and feel like a jampacked bar, but we refuse to be your captive party animals.

The Foodie – He is never satisfied with just a sandwich and a bottled drink. It is imperative that he eats the messiest and most inconvenient food you can imagine -- quail eggs, rambutan (Nephelium lappaceum), peanuts and balut. And it is very crucial that he eats these in public places. In really cramped public spaces. No, he cannot wait until he’s home. He must eat them. Here. Now.

Worse, he throws his trash indiscriminately on the floor. Hey you, you do not own the bus, and the bus conductor is sure as hell not your maid. So suit up and pick up your junk.

The Space Hugger – He sits as if the purchasing power of his peso is twice that of a normal Filipino. He’s not fat but he occupies twice the space as any passenger can possibly occupy. While he’s sitting there on his imaginary Lazyboy, one poor passenger is holding on to dear life at the other end of the jeepney. And he’s completely unaware of this because in his carefully constructed universe, he is alone in his spacious limousine.

The Snob – He’s the snotty looking Royal Highness who refuses to touch your money and give it to the driver. His auditory nerves block off the words “bayad po”, and he will pretend to do anything not to notice you, even spacing out to nothingness.
Actually guys, he is a Moroccan prince who escaped his country to avoid the press. No, he’s a rich business tycoon on an immersion to experience a day in the shoes of a normal person. We’ll never know, right? But until these far-fetched ideas are proven to be true, go pick up the change and give it to the passenger beside you. Or take a cab. Or buy your own car. Or teleport.

Public transport is no walk in the park. You encounter these people (and so much more) and you try your best to muster all the self-control that you can to avoid inflicting physical injury upon them. But until we score our very own Hummers, I guess we have no choice but to deal with these 5 commuters from hell.

Hang in there, you guise!


What other types of commuters deserve a spot in the fiery pits next to Pol Pot and Hitler? 


Mixtape Monday: Struck by Lightning

Play this when: You’re in that temporary high that only love can bring, that every experience fades in comparison, that you just want to drop everything, and you feel downright stupid catching yourself smiling at the most random moments. (Featuring tracks from Camera Obscura, Ingrid Michaelson, The Camerawalls, One Night Only and The Moldy Peaches)

-- M                     

Coming Up on The Take Off: Blind Stereo Moon

Blind Stereo Moon

The Take Off features up and coming musicians, artists and other creatives that you absolutely should know more of...or risk missing out half your life's worth of great talent.

Stay tuned for our feature on Blind Stereo Moon - three Bulacan-bred kids who have a knack for making easy-breezy, feel-good music. In the mean time, check out their sound at www.myspace.com/blindstereomoon and www.facebook.com/blindstereomoon


Said The Wise: Quote #1

6 Snacks From When My World Was Perfect

Summer brings about a certain ache of nostalgia, especially when the Holy Week rolls in and for the first time in a long time, you have absolutely nothing to do.  Broke and without anywhere special to go, bittersweet childhood memories come trickling in your head as you repeatedly press F5 on Facebook. As with most millennials, Two Difficult Girls are obsessed with reliving the True Wonder Years – that summer you spent on your grandfather’s beat-up bicycle, when you finally learned how to catch a dragonfly and how to blow bubble with gum. 

If you can’t find your Delorean, you can always stuff your face with these snacks from your childhood while watching re-runs of Ren and Stimpy. 

Mysteriously Tangy (photo from: www.destraido.blogspot.com)
Haw Flakes – Up to this day, I have no idea what these peculiar-tasting discs are made of (and I want to keep it that way). Before Starbucks, cigarettes and vodka – Haw Flakes were the top socializing agent of my time. You didn’t eat them for the taste and most definitely not for sustenance either. You eat them because you were too young to actually receive the Holy Communion, so you take turns with friends playing Priest-and-Parishioner until one of your aunts walk in and scold you for the sacrilege.

That's right, you put a ring on it. (Photo from www.flickr.com/photos/gniv)
 Pritos Ring – The only legit way of eating this squid-flavoured snack is to put one around each finger and bite them off one by one. Am I right or am I right? 

What?? No?

Dude, you don’t eat sushi with a fork. Endof.

It was more or less this big...maybe less. (Art from www.i39.photobucket.com)

Big Boy Bubble Gum – “Big, big gum for a big, big bubble.” Now, that’s truth in advertising. I remember blowing this big-ass bubble during recess when I was in first grade (or second grade) and boy, it was the biggest bubble I ever made so I could not resist showing it off to the class. Unfortunately, just as I was starting to enjoy the accolade of my peers, the said bubble popped and fell directly on a female classmate’s head.

Let me just make one thing clear. Yes, I hated her back then but that was purely accidental. I can’t remember if our homeroom teacher had to use gasoline on her hair or had to cut some locks off, but she sure was pissed as hell.

I was so scared that I’d be sent to the principal’s office, but at one point, I felt like a total bad ass.

Sweet, chewy, milky...and potentially poisonous.
White Rabbit – Ahh, the badassery continues! White Rabbit was such a big hit not because of the chewy milk candy, but because of its edible wrapping “paper”. Everyone jumped at the chance to eat this in front of younger kids, because it was so much fun to freak them out. You instantly gain street cred because you can freaking eat paper like true blue mofo.

Years later, I began seeing knock-offs in stores. You know, the kind that were as tough as truck tires to chew and wrapped in REAL paper. Seriously, counterfeit candy?

Even later, health authorities were able to find traces of Melamine in these beloved creamy milk chews. I began to question whether or not my short attention span and occasional "shiny happy fits of rage" can be attributed to partial Melamine poisoning.
Nope. It's not you, it's really just me.

Why is this suddenly hard-to-find and in French??? (Photo from www.elvino.tumblr.com)
Sunshine Green Peas – These are, hands down, the best rendering of legumes ever. Crunchy, salty but with a hint of sweetness, Sunshine Green Peas are a reminder that sometimes, the best things do come in small packages. When I was a kid, it only cost 50 cents per packet. I felt like I had so much purchasing power. I could actually feed an entire gang with twenty pesos worth of Sunshine. Awesome balls.

Oh look, labels in French! Hey you Euro hipsters, I was gobbling up this stuff way before you bought your first pair of horn-rimmed glasses!

Hyperglycemia in a gulp!
Fanta Softdrinks – Fanta was essentially Diabetes in a bottle. It was waaaay sweeter than most carbonated drinks of my childhood. I remember seeing a print ad in a magazine which showed a doll with really horrible teeth, resulting from too much sweets. It scared the shiitake out of me, but Fanta always had that irresistible charm. The psychedelic colors made it so hard to turn down a bottle, even with the risk of having all my teeth fall out by age seven. Yeah, I know. Hard core stuff.

Eventually, we’ll have to be able to figure out which wine goes well with Angus steak, which coffee to serve after Tiramisu or which pasta recipe will impress the in-laws. Jollibee birthday spaghetti will have to make way for handmade ravioli. You’ll soon obsess over food labelled sugar-free, gluten-free, organic, free-range, and fair trade. Before you know it, you’ll be catching up with your five best friends over lunch, but everyone will just pick at their alfalfa sprouts.

There’s no need to rush through life, kid.  You still got time left. Grab your coin purse and go on an MSG high just like the good ol’ wonder years.

-- J.

What about you? What are some snacks from your Wonder Years? 


Hello, Chums!

Hi, we are but two difficult girls chasing after our dreams of a charmed life. We're still tinkering with the geeky bits (what with our very primitive computer skills), but do stick around for buzz-worthy music, people you must absolutely know more of and general musings of jaded millennials.

See you around!

James (yes, she is a girl) & Miccah

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