5 Types of Commuters Who Deserve a Special Place in Hell

Disclaimer: If you have never experienced public transport even once in your life, as early as now, please close this window and continue reading your Vogue Italia.

But if you are one of us mere mortals who brave an angry mob of people (deodorant, optional) in the MRT, or wait in long queues in jeepney terminals, or run after raging buses in EDSA, all under the heat of the scorching sun (or under the pressure of running late), then read on. These are the five breeds of commuters who, by all means, you should avoid. If you can’t avoid them, rest assured that Karma always gets its way.

The Athlete – He strategically positions himself directly at the front door of the MRT car. Then, Mr. Alpha Male secures his fortress by boxing out anyone who gets in the way, women and grandparents included. He cuts the line and whistles nonchalantly as if nothing happened and as if he was right there in front to begin with.

If all commuters were Survivor castaways, this person will most probably emerge as the winner as he always makes it a point to outwit and outplay anyone. His philosophy is that life is a competition –

“But we’re not in a competition, Sally.” (First to guess which movie this line was taken from gets a star! Fo’ shizzle.)

His competitive spirit mirrors that of an athlete – only, the kind who gets steroids for breakfast.

The DJ – Meet the DJ (aka Douche Jock). He likes to bring the house down with his contagious tunes from The Biebs and The Jo Bros. He bops his head to every beat, and sings his heart out as you cringe to lyrics such as “My money is yours, give you a little more because I luv ya”. (Luv ya too Biebs BB.)

Hey, look. We actually don’t care whoever “artist” you listen to, but please keep it to yourself. Y U NO EARPHONES? We understand that you’re bored, but why don’t you try counting every billboard you see, or playing Exhaust in your mind? You can talk about all the self-expression crap you want, but let me remind you of something called basic manners and common decency. A rush-hour bus going full throttle along EDSA may look and feel like a jampacked bar, but we refuse to be your captive party animals.

The Foodie – He is never satisfied with just a sandwich and a bottled drink. It is imperative that he eats the messiest and most inconvenient food you can imagine -- quail eggs, rambutan (Nephelium lappaceum), peanuts and balut. And it is very crucial that he eats these in public places. In really cramped public spaces. No, he cannot wait until he’s home. He must eat them. Here. Now.

Worse, he throws his trash indiscriminately on the floor. Hey you, you do not own the bus, and the bus conductor is sure as hell not your maid. So suit up and pick up your junk.

The Space Hugger – He sits as if the purchasing power of his peso is twice that of a normal Filipino. He’s not fat but he occupies twice the space as any passenger can possibly occupy. While he’s sitting there on his imaginary Lazyboy, one poor passenger is holding on to dear life at the other end of the jeepney. And he’s completely unaware of this because in his carefully constructed universe, he is alone in his spacious limousine.

The Snob – He’s the snotty looking Royal Highness who refuses to touch your money and give it to the driver. His auditory nerves block off the words “bayad po”, and he will pretend to do anything not to notice you, even spacing out to nothingness.
Actually guys, he is a Moroccan prince who escaped his country to avoid the press. No, he’s a rich business tycoon on an immersion to experience a day in the shoes of a normal person. We’ll never know, right? But until these far-fetched ideas are proven to be true, go pick up the change and give it to the passenger beside you. Or take a cab. Or buy your own car. Or teleport.

Public transport is no walk in the park. You encounter these people (and so much more) and you try your best to muster all the self-control that you can to avoid inflicting physical injury upon them. But until we score our very own Hummers, I guess we have no choice but to deal with these 5 commuters from hell.

Hang in there, you guise!


What other types of commuters deserve a spot in the fiery pits next to Pol Pot and Hitler? 


Mixtape Monday: Struck by Lightning

Play this when: You’re in that temporary high that only love can bring, that every experience fades in comparison, that you just want to drop everything, and you feel downright stupid catching yourself smiling at the most random moments. (Featuring tracks from Camera Obscura, Ingrid Michaelson, The Camerawalls, One Night Only and The Moldy Peaches)

-- M                     

Coming Up on The Take Off: Blind Stereo Moon

Blind Stereo Moon

The Take Off features up and coming musicians, artists and other creatives that you absolutely should know more of...or risk missing out half your life's worth of great talent.

Stay tuned for our feature on Blind Stereo Moon - three Bulacan-bred kids who have a knack for making easy-breezy, feel-good music. In the mean time, check out their sound at www.myspace.com/blindstereomoon and www.facebook.com/blindstereomoon


Said The Wise: Quote #1

6 Snacks From When My World Was Perfect

Summer brings about a certain ache of nostalgia, especially when the Holy Week rolls in and for the first time in a long time, you have absolutely nothing to do.  Broke and without anywhere special to go, bittersweet childhood memories come trickling in your head as you repeatedly press F5 on Facebook. As with most millennials, Two Difficult Girls are obsessed with reliving the True Wonder Years – that summer you spent on your grandfather’s beat-up bicycle, when you finally learned how to catch a dragonfly and how to blow bubble with gum. 

If you can’t find your Delorean, you can always stuff your face with these snacks from your childhood while watching re-runs of Ren and Stimpy. 

Mysteriously Tangy (photo from: www.destraido.blogspot.com)
Haw Flakes – Up to this day, I have no idea what these peculiar-tasting discs are made of (and I want to keep it that way). Before Starbucks, cigarettes and vodka – Haw Flakes were the top socializing agent of my time. You didn’t eat them for the taste and most definitely not for sustenance either. You eat them because you were too young to actually receive the Holy Communion, so you take turns with friends playing Priest-and-Parishioner until one of your aunts walk in and scold you for the sacrilege.

That's right, you put a ring on it. (Photo from www.flickr.com/photos/gniv)
 Pritos Ring – The only legit way of eating this squid-flavoured snack is to put one around each finger and bite them off one by one. Am I right or am I right? 

What?? No?

Dude, you don’t eat sushi with a fork. Endof.

It was more or less this big...maybe less. (Art from www.i39.photobucket.com)

Big Boy Bubble Gum – “Big, big gum for a big, big bubble.” Now, that’s truth in advertising. I remember blowing this big-ass bubble during recess when I was in first grade (or second grade) and boy, it was the biggest bubble I ever made so I could not resist showing it off to the class. Unfortunately, just as I was starting to enjoy the accolade of my peers, the said bubble popped and fell directly on a female classmate’s head.

Let me just make one thing clear. Yes, I hated her back then but that was purely accidental. I can’t remember if our homeroom teacher had to use gasoline on her hair or had to cut some locks off, but she sure was pissed as hell.

I was so scared that I’d be sent to the principal’s office, but at one point, I felt like a total bad ass.

Sweet, chewy, milky...and potentially poisonous.
White Rabbit – Ahh, the badassery continues! White Rabbit was such a big hit not because of the chewy milk candy, but because of its edible wrapping “paper”. Everyone jumped at the chance to eat this in front of younger kids, because it was so much fun to freak them out. You instantly gain street cred because you can freaking eat paper like true blue mofo.

Years later, I began seeing knock-offs in stores. You know, the kind that were as tough as truck tires to chew and wrapped in REAL paper. Seriously, counterfeit candy?

Even later, health authorities were able to find traces of Melamine in these beloved creamy milk chews. I began to question whether or not my short attention span and occasional "shiny happy fits of rage" can be attributed to partial Melamine poisoning.
Nope. It's not you, it's really just me.

Why is this suddenly hard-to-find and in French??? (Photo from www.elvino.tumblr.com)
Sunshine Green Peas – These are, hands down, the best rendering of legumes ever. Crunchy, salty but with a hint of sweetness, Sunshine Green Peas are a reminder that sometimes, the best things do come in small packages. When I was a kid, it only cost 50 cents per packet. I felt like I had so much purchasing power. I could actually feed an entire gang with twenty pesos worth of Sunshine. Awesome balls.

Oh look, labels in French! Hey you Euro hipsters, I was gobbling up this stuff way before you bought your first pair of horn-rimmed glasses!

Hyperglycemia in a gulp!
Fanta Softdrinks – Fanta was essentially Diabetes in a bottle. It was waaaay sweeter than most carbonated drinks of my childhood. I remember seeing a print ad in a magazine which showed a doll with really horrible teeth, resulting from too much sweets. It scared the shiitake out of me, but Fanta always had that irresistible charm. The psychedelic colors made it so hard to turn down a bottle, even with the risk of having all my teeth fall out by age seven. Yeah, I know. Hard core stuff.

Eventually, we’ll have to be able to figure out which wine goes well with Angus steak, which coffee to serve after Tiramisu or which pasta recipe will impress the in-laws. Jollibee birthday spaghetti will have to make way for handmade ravioli. You’ll soon obsess over food labelled sugar-free, gluten-free, organic, free-range, and fair trade. Before you know it, you’ll be catching up with your five best friends over lunch, but everyone will just pick at their alfalfa sprouts.

There’s no need to rush through life, kid.  You still got time left. Grab your coin purse and go on an MSG high just like the good ol’ wonder years.

-- J.

What about you? What are some snacks from your Wonder Years? 

  © Blogger template 'Morning Drink' by Ourblogtemplates.com 2008

Back to TOP